A Decaying Road
by SavageGardener
Summary: After the confrontation with Gyumaoh, our tattered heroes stumble back to a home quickly decaying before their eyes. GOJYO X HAKKAI


Hallo, duckies!

It's been too long, I think.

Anywhom, this is my story, and I hope you like it. Really, I do. For some reason, I have a soft spot in my heart for necrophilic peoples. Seriously, folks! I do! It's a lot like my thing with Hakkai. I used to think incest was gross and icky, but then I met 'Kai 'Kai and I think it's kind of cute in a pathetic way.

You know, like taking your mom to the prom? Can't you just imagine Hakkai doing that? ::laughs:: Oh, 'Kai 'Kai! My wikkle Chinese Dish!

Well, with that in mind, let me wish you a Happy Holidays. 'Wish you a Happy Holidays'? That sounds so retarded, but I'm trying to avoid condoning the Merry Christmas thing. Happy Holidays is just a tad more Liberal and I'm always one to swing to the left! ::laughs again:: I'm such a loser! ::more laughter::

Well, Happy Holidays, y'all! Straight from the place in my chest where a heart ought to be!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own this. Kazuya Minekura does, and then I'm sure there are other people but I can't really recall.

WARNING: Shounen-ai, of course. Hakkai et Gojyo (to those of you not in French, 'et' means 'and'!)

SPOILERS: There shouldn't be any, unless this is really the way the series ends. I HOPE IT DOESN'T. This is always my biggest fear: that, in the magical land of Japan, Saiyuki is undergoing massive changes that would really blow my mind, but since America is always about four years behind, I won't find out until four years later, and by then the Saiyuki craze might have died in America and I'll have to learn Japanese and move to Japan just to see Hakkai's lovely face one last time! ::gasps for air::

I am, actually in the process of learning Japanese. ::shines finger nails:: Yep! From my good ol' Japanese for Dummies book. I've made it to Chapter Three! Now prepared to initiate small talk in three… two… one…

Ii tenki desu ne?

-SNORKY

"Hey, Hakkai?"

My own voice seems so thin and raw and it startles me, this ragged sound. It is as if my voice is coming from somewhere far away, removed of me, distant in a place I've never visited before. An echo from an unknown location, a reverberation from somewhere foreign. The sound of it drives me crazy because, for a moment, I feel alone. You only hear echoes when you are alone, or so I thought. I am thirsty, and this too frightens me. I have not felt physical discomfort in so long and it feels wrong that I do so now.

My mind races over the options that I have: find water, eat the little bit of snow on the ground, grin and bear it.

I have not seen water in some time and I do not believe that I will either for sometime yet. This irritates me, but I can't explain why.

"Hakkai?" I am getting impatient.

No answer though.

I crane my neck around so that I can see the pale face pressing against my back, the swath of chocolate hair shielding the closed eyes from the stark sun. For some reason he still hasn't woken up. He has been sleeping for days, but he won't wake up. Every once in a while I can feel the pressure upon my back changing and I accept this as his slow irregular breath.

My heart softens at the odd expression on his face, at the faintly furrowed forehead, at the slightly slack mouth; the sensuous lips limp but ever desirable.

I breathe deep, feeling lightheaded and dizzy simply staring at him. The mountain air does this to me, I guess.

The sky is so clear that I want to shake Hakkai awake just so he and I can stare at the clouds chasing each other, just so that we can adore the last of summer's flowers waving aging petals at a sun so bright one would think it was only an inch beyond your reach. The thought is tantalizing, having Hakkai awake, but I give it up with another sigh and resign myself to my steady tread and the occasional deep breath of clean, cold air.

It has been going on like this for days but I don't really feel the numbness in my feet. It isn't terribly cold in the day, but at night, I am having a hell of a time trying to stay warm.

Sure, I can light a fire, but you never know who that would attract.

Hakkai's gentle weight upon my back is comforting in this journey and the feeling of his legs wrapped about my waist is familiar and good, so at least I am not alone.

I continue to talk to him even if he can't hear.

"Well, I'm sure we've only got a few more days to go before that village. Did you get a good look at that map?" I pause for an answer, but don't get one. "I guess you didn't. Well, I'm sure we'll be nice and warm there won't we, 'Kai?"

God I wish he would talk to me.

Across the path before me, I see the flittering patches of sunlight skipping as the tree boughs above us shudder in a new gust of wind. The soft dewy grass reaches up invitingly and I almost consider the quaint offer of rest. Almost. Don't though 'cause I've really got to get going.

I love the way his hair will tickle my partly exposed neck. Delicious, the feeling of softness against my cold skin. I can almost feel warmth in those loving strands, and this gives me courage.

"Don't worry, 'Kai. When we get to the next village I'll patch you up better than you are now. I want to make sure that wound of yours doesn't get infected or nothin'."

Another gust of wind makes me shiver.

"You're not cold or anything right?

In the quiet loll between my questions, I take care to listen for his soft breathing next to my ears, to feel the sweet heat in his body, to see the pale arms set limply about my shoulders move to settle themselves closer to my heart. I wait for these things after each query or statement but it seems I always wait in vain.

It was a serious wound. Very serious. He's just healing himself.

"Hey, 'Kai? Do you smell that?"

I have smelled something for days. It is a haunting sort of stench, something that seems to be penetrating me, filling every cavity within my being with a piercing scent of decay. I have been meaning to ask him if he smells it, but I have forgotten. How, I wonder, can I forget such a question? What else do I have to do?

Oh well. I can ask more about it in a little bit.

"Hey Hakkai? Do you remember the first night? You know, when you said that you loved me?"

Okay, all right, let's go ahead and visit those memories because we have nothing else to do, right Hakkai?

"Do you remember how we were sitting on the bed watching the rain together? You said something about her; you know, Kanan and I told you to forget her? I guess that wasn't too terribly nice for me to say, but you can't really blame me. If I were hung up on some woman, I'm sure you'd tell me the same thing, am I right? Course I am. You can argue with me when you wake up, so hurry on up. My legs are pretty tired, you know, and I think you should carry me for a while. It'd only be fair."

I wish I could feel him but I can't. When did he become so light?

I just want to get him home, I decide, get him home and fix him up. I couldn't save Sanzo and Goku but he sure as hell isn't dying on me.

No sir.

I think I hear the trickling sound of water. Thank God.

"Hey, 'Kai! Fresh water! I'm really thirsty…"

Silent, save for the faint noise of a stream.

_"Hakkai…?"_

_"Yes, Gojyo?"_

_"I… I think I love you."_

_"Oh."_

_"'Oh'? Is that it? I finally get up the courage to pour my heart out to you-"_

_"I would hardly say that saying three words is pouring one's heart out…"_

_"-and all I get is 'oh'? What the hell is your problem?"_

_"I… Gojyo… ha ha…"_

_"What could be so damned funny?"_

_"I just… I think I love you too! That's what's funny!"_

_"Huh? Doesn't seem funny to me."_

_"It is. Now that I reciprocate your feelings…"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Where do we go now?"_

_"Well, whenever I try to pick up a chick-"_

_"You sure know how to destroy a mood, don't you, Gojyo?"_

_"Sorry. We could try for the fairy tale ending. Do you mind if I sweep you up into my arms?"_

_"I think I might, but let's go ahead anyway, ne?"_

_"All right."_

_"Now, let's try this again… Sha Gojyo, I love you."_

_"Cho Hakkai, I love you."_

I lay him down on the bank of the river, and instantly my back is craving the familiar weight, the subtle pressure. I almost want to retrieve him and set him back on his perch, but the rest might be good for him, even if it leaves me empty.

The water is cold, icy, and so pure that I can see straight to the bottom where tiny pebbles of sand are being moved slowly along in the wake of moving water. Refracted light simmers down on the bottom, skirting shadows and sparkling brilliantly across each stone, each random article of debris.

Oh, so peaceful!

Reaching down, I scoop some of the chilly liquid in my hands and bring it up to my face. It's so cold, it almost hurts my teeth, but my thirst drives me onward and soon I am gulping it down. I can hear a faint roaring in my head, drumming in my ears, and my temples begin to throb.

Sated at last, I stare down at my hands, now numb with the cold, where the last drops of water pool in the deeper crevices of my lines. Grime from my travels collects in my lifeline, ushered by the onslaught of water, and clearly defines the depth of that line.

Chancing a look over at him, I smile to see how his hands curl gently as they lay limply on the leaf littered ground.

From the angle I'm sitting, I can't see the lifeline he agonized over for so long. Painful, really, knowing it was my doing that set him about that path of unnecessary penitence. Nights have been spent pondering my intentions when I first told him that he had a short lifeline. I always wondered whether I had some sort of deeper agenda when I told him.

I hope that my general inability to HAVE deep agenda, let alone act upon it, would quell any thoughts of malignant intention.

Ugh.

He's the one who did this to me. I used to spit and whore and gamble and curse my little black heart out, but in the first few days he had already begun to wean me from my less than admirable traits and vices. The simple act of being near him seemed to, in some way, bring his order, his complacency, to my soul. And all of the big words? Well, when you've got to know what the hell someone is saying, you learn how to make use of a dictionary with all haste and speed. That's were I picked up all of my vocabulary, because I do have my pride, and there were only so many times I would be willing to ask him for meanings.

And, for fuck's sake, the man was a teacher! That's not something that goes away. Each of my faults was slowly found and dangled before my eyes like a missed piece of dirty laundry. He made me into this decent civilian, damn him.

The only grievance he had against me, in the end, was my dependence on nicotine. No matter how he pressed, no matter how he schemed, there was no way to get me away from my cigarettes.

I guess I won that match.

"Hey, Hakkai?"

He lay there so still, I might think he were… naw. Not possible.

Why is it that every one of his actions is graceful? Even laying there, there seems to be some purpose in the way one hand is set on his chest, over his heart, while the other curls in on itself on the ground. His head is turned gently to one side, dark hair splayed across the tattered leaves.

Autumn already? Seems like it is too soon.

Every detail in his body always seems to have reason to it, and I could never understand why that was. He never was one to waste anything, chiding Goku when he did not finish his meals (which would only happen when the monkey would find something disagreeable in his food), scolding the monk when he shot his bullets for no reason.

Hot water was always a sort of decadent thing. If there was a way to take a cold bath or shower, he would, saving the warm water for the rest of us.

Which reminds me…

"'Kai? I'm afraid the water is pretty cold. I hope you don't mind. Not that you usually do, but, I mean, it's really, REALLY cold, so…" I wait, as if he would choose now of all times to insist that this would do fine for him.

I shrug. "This will be fine. Anything is good now, right? I mean, no offence or anything, but you smell like death…"

_"Hakkai! I'm home!"_

_"Gojyo?"_

_"What? Check it out: the local bar was having a happy hour so…"_

_"So you get plastered? Come here."_

_"Why?"_

_"We better get you to bed. You're soaking wet!"_

_"Oh, yeah. It's raining cats and dogs, man."_

_"Raining… when did it…? Oh, never mind. Here, let me get you some tea…"_

_"Oh yeah! Here ya go, 'Kai!"_

_"Flowers? Gojyo… why flowers?"_

_"'Cause! Don't ya know?"_

_"Know what?"_

_"It's been four years since we met!"_

_"Oh! Yes… I'd forgotten about that part."_

_"Huh?"_

_"Well, I was really thinking more about… well… other things from that night… let's get that tea, all right?"_

_"Oh right. Kanan."_

_"Just give it a moment and it'll be nice and hot. What were you thinking? Going out in the rain?"_

_"Hakkai?"_

_"And your clothes are soaked…"_

_"Hakkai?"_

_"I think I might have some sort of headache medicine in my bag…_

_"Hakkai?"_

_"I dare say you'll need it."_

_"Hakkai?"_

_"Yes, Gojyo?"_

_"Do you… ever think about Ka… never mind. Hakkai?"_

_"Yes, Gojyo?"_

_"Do you like your flowers?"_

_"Yes, Gojyo. I love my flowers. Thank you so much."_

_"'Kai, I love you."_

_"Oh, Gojyo… I love you, too. Now about that tea…"_

"All right now, we'll take this nice and slow…"

It's a bit of a challenge, trying to ease him into the water, but it's still a nice break from my normal routine. Walking is such a bore.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the glinting monocle set atop the pile of folded clothing: a pair of ragged jeans, a black long sleeved shirt, that peculiar green shirt he loves, and a green headband. I think he stole the headband idea from me. It's not even like that thing helped him any; the hair still got in his eyes.

He would have been pleased to know that I folded his clothes, however messy they are. It's something I felt I needed to do.

When I pick him up in my arms, he is so incredibly light, barely weighing anything. It is like I was carrying a piece of silk, so completely does he melt into my being, so limply does he lie. It is pretty spooky, if you want to know the truth.

At first the water bites into my skin as I wade into the narrow stream, pant legs rolled up, boots tossed over near the pile of his clothes. But after a few moments of adjustment, a sort of comforting numbness creeps up my legs, and I am at peace. The real trick will be making sure my clothes don't get wet, as that would become a hindrance for the rest of our journey.

I set his feet into the water first, then carefully lower the rest of him, always wary that his head not sink below.

"Dammit, Hakkai! I knew you weren't going to make this easy." I hiss as my arms slip under the water, soaking my sleeves up to my shoulders.

This sort of nursemaid activity is reminding me starkly of the times I had bathed him while he lay as an invalid in my bed. The only difference is that I never got wet then and at least he was awake to help me out.

And the water wasn't like ice!

As soon as his body is submerged, I set about the hasty job of scrubbing him down. Not that I have any soap or other means of sanitation. I just move as quickly as I can, running my free hand up and down his arms, his legs, while the other cradles his head in a protective, loving grip.

"You aren't going to drown. Not while I'm around."

My feet have lost all feeling, and my hands have begun to feel that strange prickling sensation that warns of coming numbness, so I decide that Hakkai's little soak is over with.

I drag him to shore and unceremoniously set him down in the sand, warmed a little by the occasional mercy of a sun hidden mostly by leaves.

I inspect his bandage, which is really just a crude strip of cloth I had ripped from the shirt I typically wore under my jacket, which now is the only thing keeping my body shielded from the cold. I have nothing else with which to make a bandage, so I suppose this old one will have to do.

I wash it silently, checking every once in a while to see if Hakkai is faring well. He always is, always is resting peacefully on the sand, so I shouldn't worry. Just keep washing the fabric.

With that task taken care of, I creep back over to him on my hands and knees, for my will to stand has left me. I can feel my entire body shaking under the minimal strain of movement, and curse briefly that my clothing be wet.

I pull his body to me and wrap the fabric about the open, gaping would across his abdomen.

Sound familiar?

"Well, the good news is that your wound is no longer bleeding. I don't think there is much bad news, 'cept that we're in the middle of nowhere with no food and wet clothes and lacking one bastard monk and one annoying saru. Not too terribly dreary."

Bitterness tastes just as one would expect it to.

_"Hey, 'Kai!"_

_"Hm?"_

_"Why are you looking at that map so much?"_

_"Well, I'm just looking for another town, but I don't see any. This may be the last one until…"_

_"Until? Oh… yeah. Gyumaoh?"_

_"Yes. Gyumaoh."_

_"Well, what are we going to do?"_

_"Pardon?"_

_"This is our last night… alone… together… without the monk breathing down our necks…"_

_"And?"_

_"Well…"_

_"Honestly, Gojyo, I think it would be nice just to have a quiet evening…"_

_"You always say that!"_

_"Indeed."_

_"Come on, 'Kai! Don't look so glum! Just because this is probably our last town to stay in doesn't mean we're dying tomorrow or anything!"_

_"It's just… I worry…"_

_"Well, don't. We'll take care of this guy. Trust me, Hakkai. Before you know it, we'll be driving down the very same road in the opposite direction with the saru and I fightin' the whole way!"_

_"That certainly is something to look forward to."_

_"Tell me about it. So what do you say?"_

_"To what?"_

_"A quiet evening?"_

_"Gojyo…"_

_"I'll get the cards."_

_"All right."_

When night falls, it does so without warning. Beneath the swaying trees, it's often hard to distinguish the stark relief of twilight from the startling color of sunlight as it sifts through dying leaves. It creeps up on me, and when I turn around it is always there to greet me with the sudden chill, with the blanket of darkness.

So much for a blanket though. Doesn't even keep me warm.

Tonight, I decide to chance a fire, as my sleeves are still wet and Hakkai seems to be cold.

I form a crude circle of dirt and fill it with random flammable objects strewn about the area. Tentatively, I light it and, as the smoke curls lazily upwards, I smile in primitive triumph. Adding larger branches and twigs is difficult, though, as I am apt to smothering it before it has grown large enough to stave off such an unintended attack. The heat radiates from the core of the flame, and I bring my hands as close to the flickering tendrils as I dare to do. The sensation of heat moves up my arms, making my fingertips tingle, making my mouth smile and sigh.

At last! Warmth!

"'Kai! Look! A nice fire, doncha think?"

He doesn't answer me. It may just be a trick of the firelight, but I could have sworn that his lips twitched upwards in a small but definite smile.

"Now that's more like it, Hakkai! Come here."

Since he isn't actually awake, I am the one who makes him 'come here'. I wrap him in my arms, protecting him from the cold and offering him my own body heat. It's really pretty weird, the way his body does not return the favor, even in the slightest.

Oh well.

Sleepy, I lay on my side, bringing him down with me, and press his back into my chest with all of the strength I can muster. When I lean up over him, I can see the oranges and reds cast by the fire flickering over his pale features, and I almost mistake it for the color and vitality I wish it really was. Pressing my lips smoothly over his cheek, I push the few strands away from his face and chuckle.

"You just wait, Hakkai. Before you know it, we'll be back at home and this entire mess will be forgotten. Just you wait."

Somehow, my words seem false, even to me. I pull him closer to me, as if this will, in some way, make up for all of our previous tragedies.

I shudder, but not from the cold. Not this time.

"Hakkai? Did you see him? You know, Goku? Right before… well… before he died?"

Sighing, I readjust myself so that my hands are laced with his, wrapping my legs around him in a gentle vice. My breath whispers over his face, his cheek.

"I guess you didn't. That's probably for the best. It's just… God! There was so much blood! I couldn't do anything to help him… Goku was just there one minute and gone the next. I could still see him there, but he wasn't."

I pause for breath, feeling the hot tears spilling over my eyes and I, distracted, don't bother to rub them away.

"And Sanzo. That damned monk. He… it was so fast. Then there was red everywhere and I couldn't stop crying. God, I hate crying…"

Trembling, I touch my fingers to my eyes and scrub away the moisture I find there. Holding my hand up to the light, I am almost horrified to see that the fire has turned my tears to blood in the bath of its red-hot intensity.

I gasp, then settle back down with Hakkai, the man I have promised to protect, promised to love.

"I think Sanzo would be very angry if he knew we left without killing Gyumaoh. But you know what, Hakkai? I don't give a damn. When it was just you and me left standing, I thought we might have a chance. But when you got hurt…"

Trailing off, I have to pause and think back to that moment of unimaginable agony as he fell, crumpled, to the ground, clutching his stomach even as that odd, red matter slipped between his fingers.

"I knew we just couldn't keep going. I picked you up, and we got the hell out of there."

The fire seems to hold comfort for me, so I look deep into the wavering edges and into the burning core, faintly blue, searching for reasons that would rectify my cowardice. Finding none, I kiss his mouth again. The mouth that will not speak.

"I think I remember you said something about dying. I can't recall exactly, but then you fell asleep and I guess you're still trying to heal yourself." Quiet laughter. "Well, you didn't die. That's what matters. We got out of there, and even if the world does end, it's its problem. Why'd we ever have to go anyway, Hakkai? Who gives a shit?"

I feel my grip about his waist tighten as if this touch will absolve all of my transgressions. "Who give a shit?"

Tighter. I think I feel something deep inside him shift slightly, and my interest peaks. A deep breath before a diatribe? Beneath my fingers, something moves and then-

A sharp, resounding crack filled my awareness, and immediately I was up, hands raised and ready to fend off any would be attackers.

"Look sharp Hakkai! Sounds like something just snapped out there!"

I turn my frustrations out into the night where, I assume, something or someone misplaced a step onto a twig, alerting me to their presence.

"I'll protect you Hakkai!"

Finding my assailants to be less than present, I accepted that it must have been my imagination. Disappointment pooled in my bowels, knowing that this stupid distraction might have caused me to miss something terribly important. Had Hakkai moved? Was he going to wake up soon?

The promise of change made me laugh, albeit nervously.

And, with that, I put out our fire, creep back over to his limp body, so still in the wane moonlight, absent of the fire's vibrancy, and wrap him up in my arms.

It is going to be a long night.

Even if the cold has, again, penetrated my bones, I continue to smile. I peck his cheek gently and squeeze him hard against my chest in a grip empowered by love.

I think I hear another snap, but I'll ignore it. Just my imagination.

_"Oh my God, Hakkai!"_

_"Go… Gojyo…?"_

_"Shit! Don't try to talk! Oh fuck!"_

_"Sa… Sanzo? Goku? Where…?"_

_"They're… they're… God! They're dead! We've got to get out of here!"_

_"Hakuryu?"_

_"Dead!"_

_"We h-have to stop Gyu-"_

_"Damn the fucking mission! If we stay we'll die!"_

_"Ha ha… already dying…"_

_"What?! No, no you are not!"_

_"Please, Gojyo… Sanzo… Goku… have to beat him…"_

_"Hakkai! Hakkai! Stay awake, okay? We're going to leave and get help! Don't say anything!"_

_"I… I love-"_

_"Oh no! We are not doing that! Just shut the fuck up and stay awake! Got that?"_

_"So… so sorry… love you…"_

_"Hakkai? Hakkai?! HAKKAI!"_

The days haven't been easy. That fire, I think, was a little too risky for us, so we haven't had the pleasure of being warm at night for several days now. I can barely sleep at all.

"I hope you're enjoying this, Hakkai." I mutter darkly, perhaps a little more sharply than I had intended to.

My neck aches briefly as I twist to look at his face. His brows are no longer furrowed, the creases faded away. Eyes are still closed, though.

Absent-mindedly I brush a short strand of chocolate brown hair from my shirt as I had many, many times already. Sometimes, I would see as many as eight strands, still somehow tangled together, on my sleeve.

"What, are you shedding or something now?" I ask, tone now softened to make up for my previous sarcasm. My free hand takes his arms and rearranges them closer to my throat, tighter about me as if I am asking him to awaken and pick up the slack. He doesn't though, but it is enough to know that he is still here with me.

Have to keep positive.

We, I have decided, must have taken a wrong turn somewhere. It seems that we would have come across some semblance of civilization by now if we had gone according to the map. Mind you, I had but a moment to look at it and all I could tell was that the village was to the east.

It's sort of funny that now we are always headed east instead of west. It's almost like a change of perspective. Whereas we had once been heading towards the sunset, now we walk towards the sunrise.

Screw that.

I cough a little, which is irritating. Must be the cold getting to me.

Hakkai still reeks. That bath of his helped only a little, enough to postpone the stench for another day, but it still returned and in full force. I try to act like it doesn't bother me, but every now and then I get a huge breath of tainted air and I want to gag.

Even if I could find more water, I wouldn't have a repeat performance. Being soaked with cold water isn't exactly a picnic.

Weary, I almost pause to rest, but choose not to. Must keep going.

On my back, I feel Hakkai move just slightly.

I used to be excited when that happened, but now I can recognize it as gravity and it's unfortunate effects on limp weight. Every couple of hours I have to shift him around, or else he'll fall. It's happened once or twice, and the sickening thud that accompanies the slip usually sends me into gales of remorse. There are, I know, only so many times I can tell myself that the cracking sounds is merely his impact on a deadened plant stalk.

Since the fire night, I have been pondering my actions, and this hindsight is tearing me apart. Thinking, mostly, about Sanzo and Goku and their sacrifice to a cause poorly conceived on the back of false hope and half-hearted heroism. Was their sacrifice a sacrifice at all?

We never had a chance.

It never was worth the hours on the road together. It was never worth the agony of defeat again and again. It was never worth the pain of memories recalled that would sooner be forgotten.

Or was it…?

Thinking back on it, the entire thing, it was actually pretty fun.

Regression to nostalgia is always indicative of madness.

Hakkai would have been proud of me. Well, he will be proud of me when he wakes up soon.

Tightly, I grip his narrow arms in my hand, pressing into the skin with long fingers as if this will wake him up. My pace quickens, for desperation knows no fatigue, and the wind does not sting my face as much as it used to. Overhead, a break in the clouds draws forth a luminous glow of somber sunlight that warms my chilled skin and refracts from his dark head.

"Hakkai, I love you. I know it sounds kind of random right now, but I guess I haven't said it in a long time."

If I close my eyes tightly, I think I might hear the wind whispering a reply stolen from his lips.

A break in the trees approaches as my hasten pace draws us nearer and nearer to a destination that is not so much seen as felt. A thick scent of smoke fills my lungs, a crisp smell always signaling a cook hard at work. Over the years, I had become accustomed to the smell of smoke, a cooking vegetables as Hakkai utilized my kitchen in a way I had never had the talent to do. I had to get used to it because it was a strange thing, coming home to a nice meal and a smiling housemate waving a ladle at me from his post in front of the stove.

And the smell was comforting, knowing that I was not alone in the world was comforting, just as now, the scent of charred meat was consoling.

Then came the sounds, the mindless chatter of people moving about their ways, the unintelligible banter of human beings in masses. The drone of everyday life, the heartbeat of urban vitality quickly nearing as I break into a run, hoping that Hakkai has the presence of mind to hang on tight because-

The village! The long since promised, ever elusive village!

I would cry again if I had moisture in my body.

Without thinking, I let Hakkai slip from my grasp and fall softly onto a yielding, soggy ground.

He was splayed across the earth, ever beautiful and ever graceful, the strange angles at which his joints landed not jarring, but mercilessly glamorous. The way his hair fell in to his eyes, the way his hands curled in on themselves, the way his mouth was agape, the way his eyes opened, murky and clouded…

I wanted to lay down with him in the soft grass, wrap my arms around him and never let him go. I wanted to kiss him like I used to, I wanted to lace his fingers with mine and share that familiar intimacy as we had in the days long since passed.

Instead, I laughed heartily and then scooped him up into my arms as one might hold a bride.

"Hakkai! We're here! You can get up now! I'm going to go get a doctor and some food and some good water because you still smell pretty awful!"

At last! The village! The sanctuary we had sought for so many days! It seemed that this nullified any prior hardships, that, at the advent of civilization, every cold night, empty stomach, aching bone was justified. There was, in fact, reason behind this entire thing!

And the reason, it seemed, is laying in my arms, soundly asleep, immune to the ravishes of time, unaware of the sorrows that had befallen our sad little company. He, Hakkai, is my motivation for the continuation of my existence. He is my reason, and everything endured was well worth it just to see those hazy green eyes open to a vast, unending sky.

I touch his hair, brush it from his face, and lean down to kiss his eyes, now wide with dim wonder.

"We're here, Hakkai. Oh God, I love you so much."

As in days passed, he does not reply, just stare at the nothingness of a milky white Autumn day, eyes blank and clouded as the sky.

In the distance, I can see how our sudden entrance from the thick haze of trees has startled the locals, and a few people are coming near us. I wave jovially at them, and they sense urgency and hasten their strides.

"Help is on the way." I breath across his face. My hands find his and press them to my lips. The shrunken flesh gives way beneath the subtle pressure, but I pay it no mind. All I can smell is the scent of decay and leaves tangled in his hair like a cornet woven of earthly things.

"I love you, Cho Hakkai."

Suffice to say that a reply does not matter anymore. He is with me.

_"Hello? Sir?"_

_"Yes! I need to find a doctor for my friend!"_

_"Ah, yes. I am a doctor. We'll be happy to accommodate you and your… uh…"_

_"Yeah? What is it?"_

_"Why, sir, your friend is-"_

_"Man am I beat! I've been walking for a long time! I wrapped him up as best I could, but I'm not a pro."_

_"Good God."_

_"Tell me about it. I tried to wash him off once, cause I'm sure you can smell him. Pretty rancid."_

_"He must have been decaying for at least a week!"_

_"Decaying? I think you're mistaken."_

_"No. This man must have been dead for-"_

_"He's not dead! He's just sleeping! He got hurt pretty bad, you know? He's just resting is all."_

_"Here, son, let me take him…"_

_"No! I can carry him! I've got it! Show me to your hospital."_

_"I don't think that any manner of hospital in the world will help him now."_

_"You don't know what you're talking about, okay? He's Cho Hakkai! 'Kai doesn't just… you're lying!"_

_"What? Son, please, I think if we just got you some food-"_

_"HAKKAI! HAKKAI!"_

_"Good God! Give me the body!"_

_"It isn't a fucking body! HAKKAI! HAKKAI! Just wait! We're going home and then you can sleep this off, okay? And we'll play cards again and… and… Just wake up!"_

_"It's all right, son, we'll take him from here."_

_"Get your fucking hands away from him! Hakkai! Wake up, damn you! Wake up, please! Please Hakkai!"_

_"There's nothing to be done. Come on."_

_"Please… Hakkai… wake up… you can't be… not like Sanzo and Goku… you… you mean everything… please… wake up? Hakkai?"_

OWARI


End file.
